Living Together: Not Such a Good Idea After All!

By: Joanne B. Parrotta

Your long-term boyfriend or girlfriend has just popped the big question. No, not that question. The “Will you live with me?” question. Before you commit to a live-in arrangement, there are a few things you should be aware of.

Living together has certainly become more common. The 2000 U.S. census reported a 72 percent increase in the number of cohabiting couples during the 1990s. Living together seems like a good way to achieve some of the benefits of marriage while avoiding the risk of divorce and its financial implications. Testing the waters before committing to a marriage may seem like a great idea, but is it really?

As living together becomes the norm, the negative effects, especially on women, are becoming more evident. A 2002 survey by the National Marriage Project concluded that there was an increased risk for domestic violence and physical and/or sexual abuse of children in such households. In addition, there was no evidence to suggest that cohabitating before marriage leads to a stronger marriage. In fact, the research showed the opposite.

Other studies support the conclusions of the National Marriage Project survey. According to a 1995 study conducted by sociologists David Hall and John Zhoa, “premarital cohabiters in Canada have over twice the risk of divorce . . . when compared with non-cohabiters.” Studies also show that couples living together before marriage are more likely to be involved in sexual affairs, and that the longer a couple lives together, the less likely they are to get married. In fact, a 1994 study found that only 30 percent of cohabitating couples actually get married.

It takes tremendous courage to do things differently from the rest of society. If you truly love your partner and have complete faith that he or she is the one for you, there is no reason to live together. If you have doubts, then you shouldn’t be dating, let alone moving in together.

Instead of saying “Let’s see how it goes,” have the courage to commit. Whatever you decide to do, be smart about it, honour yourself and your values, and always look before you leap.

Let me leave you with a quote from: The Surrendered Single by Laura Dole (Fireside, 2002).

“Commitment itself is one of the things that makes love last, so if you want your romance to last a lifetime, live separately until you’re ready to say “till death do we part.” When you live together, the relationship can be renegotiated at any time, which makes it much more volatile than marriage.”

All the best,

Joanne B. Parrotta

Author of A Matter of Destiny

Settling for second best is never an option!

To Order A Matter of Destiny: How to Find and Marry Your Soulmate Click Here.

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